Universiti Sains Malaysia

Well, am back blogging again...
Seriously, this blogging business requires quite a lot of... uh... discipline...
Nope... Maybe patience... Ya, patience is more accurate
Finally have the time to blog...
Other than this I'm usually busy sleeping or digging my nose...
Uni life is slightly tougher than I had expected
Some of you might say, what? A grown up man (already 20 lor) unable to adapt himself?!
What a disgrace!!!
However so, I have to admit...
I'm not much of a disciplined person...
Back then in form 6, had my parents, teachers and friends to thank...
They were the ones who kept pushing me, or frighten me with their progress whatsoever...
Seriously you guys, when I ask about how far have you studied, it's not to make fun of you
Rather, it's to shock me back into reality about how slow I'm progressing...
Haha... But that was then.. With all the teachers warning us how tough STPM could be, I was constantly on my toes along with my buds...
After 1 and a half year of studying, it finally came and gone
But over here things are slightly different...
There's no one controlling you... I mean, you are free to do whatever you please!
And knowing me, I'd use every free moment relaxing or doing something unproductive like DotAing or watching animes...
Fortunately, I was still able to study in time...
At least I realised my mistakes now...
Special thanks to Ghaddafy, Tak Jong, Li Ann, Mien Sze, Kee Hong, Su Hooi, Su Hui and Boon Pin...
For they were the ones that I usually hang out with and became my reference point from then on... Arigato gozaimasu!!!

I truly miss my Form 6 days now that I'm here...
To tell the truth, I feel that I have not done well socially...
I mean, my ability to speak and mix with people seem to have declined badly...
Or is it just me?
I can't be too sure...
Problem is, I'm still searching for this sense of belonging, something like somewhere where I could call home...
But how to do that when I'm still unable to mix with the others?

I've often envied my buddy, Sam
For as long as I can remember, he has this uncanny inborn ability to just socialise without even the need to put in any effort
People could just talk to him and feel right at home
I know I had once been like that, and that was during my form 6 years

Now that I'm put into a new surrounding, things just doesn't seem to be the way that it used to be... Similar like a fish out of water...
I do not know, but I think the people that I'm trying to mix is kinda different from the people back home...
And again, is it just me?

Coming from a English educated background, I could see that the topics here are different
The conversations are not what that I could just simply join in and chat away but rather would require me to understand first before saying anything or is it just me?
As such, I seem to have changed from once a loudspeaker, to a malfunctioning one...
It's rather depressing I might add, seeing others being able to mix so well while I fail miserably at it...
Acceptance level over here is different too... Not all jokes are appreciated and not all problems are discussed openly...
As it is, I've been one who is open to opinions, meaning I would like to tell my heart out and say something should I feel anything is wrong
The logic behind it?
Life is complicated as it is already, why play guessing games?
It's infinitely easier to break something compared to the time invested to build it...
So why let something that is minute destroy what that we have worked so hard to accomplish?
Should someone do something wrong, it would be better to tell it to their faces right?
Not in a harsh sense, but rather for the good of those involved
Everyone wants to improve themselves right?
That has been my principle in life

Though so, not everyone has the same mindset and thinking right?
Back then, things are so much simpler when we would just crack jokes and bomb each other to no end... No hard feelings whatsoever for it was all done in pure fun...
At the end of the day, no one gets hurt and everyone is happy...

Over here, not all is revealed and not all is known...
Remarks are often pent up and kept to be discussed when the party involved or concerned is not around... That's backstabbing isn't it?
Should you have done something wrong, they would assume that you WILL know where you went wrong and that you should apologise later on...
Come on, we're like what, 20-year-olds and we're already engaging in psychological warfare?
That's totally ABSURD!!!

Come to think of it, could it have been just me?
Could I have taken people for granted?
Could I have not thought of the others?
Things are not clear cut as is used to be...
Nothing is black and white anymore...
All that's left it only a patch of greyness.

Though so, all these shall not deter me from improving myself...
It has been a tough journey, but I shall not give up...
GAMBATTE KUDASAI!!!
Oh ya, I've taken up Japanese... Haha...

To those of you out there,
Please guide me should I get lost,
Please teach me should I go wrong,
Please show me the correct way should I have strayed away
Please share with me whatever that I do not have enough
And I shall do the same to you too...